7:34 - OK, Seacrest gets points for asking Ron Howard about the Arrested Development movie
7:40 - E! keeps showing Jessica Biel, which makes me hope against hope that Justin Timberlake will somehow be a part of the sure-to-be batshit crazy "tribute to middling musicals of 2008" involving Amanda Seyfried, Dominic Cooper, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron
8:01 - Switched to ABC's pre-show. Tim Gunn and Robin Roberts are probably going to make the E! staff seem unbelievably simple
8:11 - Mickey Rourke is BREAKING MY HEART talking about his dog
8:15 - I was wrong - the essence of red carpet banter is vacuousness, regardless of who's delivering it
8:25 - Ooh, Michael Giacchino is doing the music for the show. I wonder if he'll get to do one of his Abrams-y "something mad creepy is going to happen right....NOW!" cues
8:34 - I know I wished for Hugh Jackman to sing, but I meant, like, a real song.
8:44 - I am rare among viewers in loving the montages and the acknowledgements of Oscar history, but I fail to see how this "past winners honor the nominees" deal is going to result in anything but a ceremony that ends at 1:00
9:03 - Jennifer Aniston presenting! Can she make it in front of Brad and Angelina without having a nervous collapse? The readership of People magazine waits with bated breath!
9:05 - The animation montage just made me realize that I completely forgot about the terrible-looking Horton Hears a Who movie. Also, those off-brand movies about animals in space.
9:14 - I'm becoming progressively more and more committed to catching a rerun of Big Love. Even with their "Don't Miss This One! Really! We Mean It!" ads, HBO was fighting a losing battle there, programming-wise.
9:25 - Okay, Rob Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried. Not bad, not bad.
9:26 - TWIIIILIIIIIIGHT!!!
9:39 - Ah, Biel was the tech awards hostess. I'm still holding out for JT, though.
9:41 - The Soloist looks mad cheesy, but I've loved Joe Wright's films so far. I'm torn. The delay on that film getting to the screen doesn't inspire confidence, either.
9:47 - As a Freaks and Geeks fan, it is thrilling to me to see James Franco and Seth Rogen presenting an Oscar together.
9:53 - CRACKED-OUT MUSICAL NUMBER!!! BEYONCE!!! YESSSS!!!
9:56 - The phrase "hot mess" should be retired from thus forth, because there's never going to be anything else that will embody it more than this insane musical medley. "The musical is back!" Jackman just proclaimed. The subtext - "and then we killed it again!"
10:03 - This "past winners" mode of award distribution seems like something that someone would describe after having a near-death experience - being greeted by your forbears, welcoming you to the great beyond. On a related note - Joel Grey!
10:19 - I'm having doubts about them getting all the sound awards (plus editing and visual effects) AND the Big Four AND the tribute to Jerry Lewis done in the space of an hour. Even with these super-short commercial breaks. Especially if Rahman and Co. are doing performances of the Slumdog songs.
10:37 - No wonder these shows are dropping ratings year by year. On a fundamental level, there's very little you can do to dress up the part of the Oscars that is deeply dull for anyone outside the industry (and probably a few inside, too)
10:40 - Does In the Motherhood have an interracial couple? That would be kind of revolutionary for network TV.
10:52 - Okay, maybe not revolutionary, but different from a vast percentage of TV couples. And different in being involved from the get-go rather than over the course of the show. It's music time right now. I'm not gonna lie, I'm bored.
10:53 - Either Alicia Keys is tall, or Zac Efron is short. They look about the same height, which I wouldn't have thought would be the case. Maybe Vanessa Hudgens is tiny, though.
11:00 - The dancers with the Slumdog songs make me miss bygone days of undergrad watching South Asian cultural shows with my friends. Also - no MIA! Her baby was like, "you can do either the Grammys OR the Oscars, Mom."
11:04 - Maybe I was wrong about the timing. The question is - is the extended past winners presentation only for the actors, or for directors, too? Spielberg's there - maybe...
11:09 - I know he does Top Chef, so maybe I'm being nitpicky, but something seems wildly insincere about Tom Colicchio shilling for Diet Coke. Maybe it's because Mark Bittman is so wildly opposed to artificial sweeteners in How to Cook Everything. Maybe it's because Diet Coke, which is, like, entirely chemicals, is almost the opposite of real food, except you can ingest it. I don't know.
11:15 - Even the In Memoriam segment wasn't terribly well-executed. Instead of allowing the clips to go full-screen, the camera swooped schizophrenically around the stage, often rendering the names and occupations of the featured people illegible. Fail.
11:19 - Reese Witherspoon is presenting Best Director - does this mean she's not going to be part of the "Best Actress nominees - THIS IS YOUR FUTURE!"?
11:48 - Ah, Spielberg does Best Picture. Another montage?
11:53 - And Slumdog Millionaire wins. Eh. I haven't seen them all, so I don't have an informed opinion. I'm not surprised. But I liked Milk more.
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