No. Just...No.

I'm officially beyond adjectives on this one. The mind boggles.

I was already staring in horror and then a cold chill went up my spine when Phantom Planet's "California" started. They had to drag The O.C. into this? Lee Pace and Judy Greer weren't enough? Good grief.

Adaptations: A Wrinkle in Time

I feel compelled to comment on today's news that A Wrinkle in Time is being prepared for a new film adaptation. I don't talk about it much, but I'm a bit of a Madeleine L'Engle superfan, and though it's being adapted by the screenwriter who brought us Bridge to Terabithia, which made me so rant-y, I'm willing to reserve judgment. (I still haven't seen the Bridge movie - if I come across it someday on cable I'll probably try to give it a go, but I'm not actively seeking it out at present.) With decent studio money and quality computer technology, the range of space worlds that L'Engle presents in Time should be fully realized in all their detail and complexity. In my mind, the film will live or die in casting. The right young actors playing beyond-precocious child prodigy Charles Wallace, supernerd in a BMOC's body Calvin and queen of teen awkwardness Meg could make the movie great, and even elevate subpar scripting. Time will tell.

The part of the news item I find really interesting is the suggestion that Disney views Time and its closest sequels as a potential film franchise. The books that make up the "Time Quartet" - Time, A Wind in the Door, Many Waters, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet - are connected through their protagonists, members of the Murry nuclear family, but are also fairly disparate works. Even if the film version of A Wrinkle in Time is successful, that doesn't necessarily indicate success for the other three. Wind features the same central trio of characters, but the book's plot, which focuses on an illness of Charles playing out on the mitochondrial level (it really doesn't translate well to concise summary) and utilizes a form of telepathic communication that L'Engle terms "kything," doesn't necessarily seem like it would transfer easily to film. Planet, my favorite of the four, is epic in scope but also features a lot of storytelling that is very interior to its characters. Additionally, Planet takes place about ten years after the events of Time, meaning that the filmmakers' ability to capitalize on any success of Time would be necessarily impacted by either significant passage of time or by recasting of the film's central characters. Finally, Many Waters is just an entirely different book than the other three. Meg and Charles are essentially swapped out for their twin brothers Sandy and Dennys, who accidentally travel through time and space to find themselves caught up in the story of Noah's Ark. In my opinion, Sandy and Dennys are L'Engle's most underdeveloped male characters; when they're introduced in A Wrinkle in Time, the twins are presented as the societal control subjects of the Murry family - the "normal" siblings against whom Meg and Charles are judged - which necessarily makes them kind of blank slates, and they're never given much more shading. It would be an understatement to call it a stretch to view success of the space-tripping adventures of Meg and Charles in Time as any indicator of the potential earnings of their boring brothers stuck in a tale from the Bible.

I could go into why I think the Austins have more cinematic potential than the Murrys, but I'll save any further ranting/cautious optimism for when more information comes out about the movie. Who knows, maybe against all odds and prior experience the people bringing this book to the screen just won't fight what's established it as a classic for nearly five decades. I suppose stranger things have happened.*

*I feel like I should have some perfectly selected classic quote to go here, a la Mrs. Who, but alas, I'm coming up blank.

Random TV Observation

I'm kind of in love with Zach Woods' line readings.

He was one of my favorite things about In the Loop. The Sabre storyline has been kind of hit-or-miss, but I hope they keep him around for a while on The Office.

Mood Music XXVIII

This song randomly wedged itself into my head this weekend. The sets they used for performances on variety shows in the sixties are so odd sometimes. I'm not sure which is weirder - the giant Uncle Sam in the background or the...cheerleaders?

OMG You Guys, Part III

My enthusiasm for the series has waned a lot in recent months, but I can still get excited about the new movies. And Eclipse is my favorite of the books, so I was really looking forward to this. However...

...this trailer is super-bland, right? There's no big moment here like Twilight's "Edward saves Bella from the Van of DOOM" or New Moon's "Birthday Party of TRAGEDY," but there should be some interesting little scenes they could pull from the story. No Rosalie/Jasper flashbacks? No Vampires vs. Wolves Smackdown? (Okay, there's probably effects work that still needs to be done for that. But this movie is coming out in, like, three months. Get it together, people!) There are snippets there that look good - Bella reckoning with having to leave her parents behind, Jacob generally being all up in everyone's business - but I was hoping for a little more awesomeness all around.

Also, when they had the first full shot of Kristen Stewart (about 0:30 in), I was like, "Oh, right. That's a wig." I know they had to go that route after she got her Runaways mullet, but the shots here are not making it look good at all.

"Reach for the Stars, Because the Stars Don't Have Arms to Reach for You!"

Two bits of silliness from the weekend. First, my personal favorite from the Zach Galifianakis-hosted Saturday Night Live:

SNL sketches that truly make me laugh are few and far between these days. What put this one over the edge for me was Galifianakis' pageant dad mouthing along with everything his daughter says. The horrors of stage parenting never go out of style.

Second, the hilarious "Handsome Men's Club" clip from Jimmy Kimmel's post-Oscar show.

I won't start listing what I love about this, because it'll just turn into a gushy synopsis of the whole ten minutes. I'll just remark that I love suck-up John Krasinski and Lenny Kravitz's musical commentary.

Oscars 2010: Predictions and Other Observations

If I had more time/energy, I'd do a more complete retrospective on the year in film - I saw an unprecedented number of films within the calendar year. Here's my predictions for the Oscar ceremony tomorrow, with opinions where I feel sufficiently well-versed to offer them. I haven't seen any of the shorts or the documentaries - those are straight-up guesses.

Major Nominees I've Missed: The Last Station; Invictus; The Lovely Bones; The Messenger; Nine

Best Picture

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Bright Star; Fantastic Mr. Fox; A Single Man

Should Win: Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Avatar

Popular wisdom says the race is truly between Basterds, Avatar and The Hurt Locker. While Locker's got a lot of buzz, I think the structure of preference voting gives it to Avatar. Due to its technological achievements, I think it's more likely than the other two to be placed high even on the lists of people who didn't necessarily like it.

Best Director

Should/Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

I don't think the Academy can resist the "history-making" narrative that's swept Bigelow along thus far. She deserves it, too; I think Locker is the best-executed and most focused of the five nominees here.

Best Actress

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Abbie Cornish, Bright Star; Emily Blunt, The Young Victoria

Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe, Precious

Will Win: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

I wish the younger nominees hadn't been overshadowed by Bullock and Meryl Streep - Sidibe and Carey Mulligan were truly MVPs of film in 2009.

Best Actor

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Sharlto Copley, District 9; Sam Rockwell, Moon

Should Win: Colin Firth, A Single Man

Will Win: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart

I can't really argue with Bridges' "due" narrative - both he and Firth gave wonderful, vanity-free performances. For me Firth has the emotional edge in the rawness he brought to A Single Man.

Best Supporting Actress

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds; Julianne Moore, A Single Man; Diane Kruger, Inglourious Basterds; Paula Patton, Precious (One of this year's great underheralded performances, in my opinion)

Should/Will Win: Mo'Nique, Precious

Best Supporting Actor

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Paul Schneider, Bright Star (In an ideal world, "I failed John Keats!" would join "Who was gonna love me?" "That's a bingo!" and "My tombstone will have my real name" among the played-out nominee clips at this point in the film award season); Anthony Mackie, The Hurt Locker (The best instance of truly supporting the lead actor); Alfred Molina, An Education; Matthew Goode, A Single Man (Had more chemistry with Colin Firth in a few minutes than existed in the entire span of Crazy Heart between Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jeff Bridges)

Should/Will Win: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

It's my dream that Waltz and Mo'Nique show up with him wearing a cummerbund to match her dress, like prom dates. His speeches this award season have been practiced, but thoughtful. I'm eager to see what he's got for the crowd tomorrow.

Best Original Screenplay

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, (500) Days of Summer

Should Win: Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Will Win: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker

It's been called a toss-up, but I think Boal's got the momentum here.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach, Fantastic Mr. Fox

Should Win: Actually, all five are good. My personal favorites are Nick Hornby for An Education and Armando Iannucci and team for In the Loop

Will Win: Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner, Up in the Air

Up in the Air has lost most of its buzz in its other nominated categories. I think this is where they'll elect to honor Reitman. Have to give props to the Brits - An Education is another stellar example of Hornby's skill with narratives of people forced into growing up and In the Loop not only features an excellent compendium of conversational swearing but an incisive, knowing look at political culture.

Best Animated Film

Should Win: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Will Win: Up

It's probably not news to anyone here that I'm a Wes Anderson fan; the title "Accounting for Everything" comes directly from The Royal Tenenbaums. I will say that Fox is the first instance where I've enjoyed any of Noah Baumbach's work either with Anderson or alone. The medium of stop-motion is ideally suited to Anderson's meticulous attention to detail.

Best Foreign Language Film

Prediction: The White Ribbon

Best Cinematography

Prediction: Avatar

Best Documentary Feature

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Every Little Step

Prediction: The Cove

Best Documentary Short

Prediction: China's Unnatural Disaster

Best Live Action Short Film

Prediction: The Door

Best Animated Short Film

Prediction: A Matter of Loaf and Death

Best Film Editing

Prediction: The Hurt Locker

Best Art Direction

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Fantastic Mr. Fox; Coraline (At least one of the stop-motion films deserved recognition here); Inglourious Basterds

Prediction: Avatar

Best Visual Effects

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: Watchmen (I guess this film's lukewarm critical reception killed its chances here. I think, though, that even the people who question Zak Snyder's understanding of the Watchmen narrative couldn't argue with his visual recreation of the novel's world)

Prediction: Avatar

Best Sound Mixing

Prediction: The Hurt Locker

Best Sound Editing

Prediction: Avatar

Best Costume Design

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: An Education; A Single Man (I'm surprised that neither of the year's big sixties movies got a costume design nomination, especially the one guided by a major fashion designer); Precious (Evokes the eighties without resorting to cliche, which doesn't happen as often as it should); Inglourious Basterds

Should Win: Bright Star

Will Win: The Young Victoria

I have to pull for Bright Star here, since the movie deserves so much more attention than it got. I can't really argue with Victoria's presumptive win here - it makes wearing yards and yards of heavy fabric look positively luxurious.

Best Makeup

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: District 9

Prediction: Star Trek

I honestly have no idea how District 9 got snubbed here. The artistic categories are kind of a mystery to me, frankly.

Best Original Song

Nominees I'd Have Liked to See: "Satellite Heart," New Moon (It's almost certainly too hipster-y for the Academy, but it would've been nice to see at least one of New Moon's original songs recognized. Even haters love the soundtrack)

Prediction: "The Weary Kind," Crazy Heart

Best Original Score

Prediction: Up

Not only has Michael Giacchino done great work for Pixar, in 2009 he also created an awesome score for Star Trek.

Oscars 2010: Best Picture Thoughts

I've been trying to organize my thoughts about this year's Best Picture nominees since I finally accomplished the goal of viewing all ten. I thought I'd rank them (as the academy voters are supposed to do) and offer my take on each. I'm aiming for a full slate of predictions with brief thoughts later today.

Ultimately I think this is a pretty solid group - while I didn't love all of them, I didn't hate any of them. The shift from five to ten nominees worked about as well as the Academy could have hoped; they managed to include both blockbusters and indie fare, and there wasn't the usual December back-loading (half are already on DVD). Also, I have to give it up for an Oscar-disproportionate percentage of movies with female characters who are a) badass, b) complex, or c) otherwise not scenery.

10) The Blind Side

Well, this is kind of obviously the odd film out, right? Not that it's bad, necessarily, just getting a significant boost from a strong performance by Sandra Bullock. It wasn't as sunshiny about the complicated interpersonal dynamics at play as I thought it would be, particularly in depicting the Tuohys' obscene wealth and the NCAA's questioning of their motives in assisting Michael Oher (although I did feel that the NCAA rep was portrayed as a bit...evil...for someone who is asking entirely reasonable questions. But I digress.) Ultimately, I felt the film suffers, and opens itself up to valid criticisms of its depiction of race, by being entirely exterior to Oher; while it's understandable due to what most report as reticence to share on his side, descriptions of the book on which the film is based depict the work as more balanced. It's ostensibly Oher's story, but The Blind Side is not really about Oher in the end.

Three films I'd rather see nominated: Bright Star, which is so insanely beautiful and got shafted in multiple different categories; Fantastic Mr. Fox, which ideally served Wes Anderson's filmmaking style; A Single Man, which was styled within an inch of its life but was also heartbreaking and gorgeous.

9) A Serious Man

This was the last one of the ten I saw, partly because I was sure that I wouldn't like it - I can't say I was particularly into either Burn After Reading or No Country for Old Men. (I'm a little Coens-illiterate, having not seen some of their classics like Raising Arizona or The Big Lebowski, but what films I have seen of theirs haven't put me in any big rush to get around to them.) However, I was pleasantly surprised by this one. I'm sufficiently self-aware to recognize that a large part of that is the scenes that focus on academia; Larry's increasingly fraught meetings with the tenure committee representative (especially his tearful admission of having seen a Swedish art film and the rep then insisting that the tenure committee doesn't make moral judgements) constituted one of the more hilarious sequences of scenes I've seen this year. However, I couldn't help but feel that if it were made by someone less Academy-vetted than the Coens, this movie wouldn't have received the attention that it has.

8) Up

Look, I was as moved by the opening montage as anyone, okay? And I loved the rest of the movie - whichever Pixar employee came up with the concept of the talking dogs deserves a bonus. However, I don't feel like it's as strong an effort in terms of originality and heart as Wall-E, or even Ratatouille. It almost feels like they felt like the emotional wallop of the first ten minutes meant that they didn't have to try as hard through the rest of the film. I don't have a problem with it being nominated, but it's just Top-Ten rather than Top-Five in my opinion.

7) Up in the Air

I liked Up in the Air when I saw it, but reflecting on the field of ten has made me realize that it didn't really stick with me. Jason Reitman did one of the better recent jobs of placing George Clooney in a role that plays off of his public persona (as did Wes Anderson in Fantastic Mr. Fox) but the movie doesn't seem to know how (or whether) it wants to redeem Ryan and kind of loses its focus after the wedding scene. I can recognize that ambiguity is the point there, but it felt more scattered than purposeful. Well acted, timely, etc. It just ultimately didn't feel "great" to me. I hope Anna Kendrick will get an industry boost from UitA's hype - her performance here plus her hilarious post-zombie-movie monologue in New Moon were delightful.

6) District 9

I was really pleasantly surprised by how much I liked District 9 - it's one of the only movies I've ever seen where I felt myself actively desiring a sequel upon its conclusion. To some extent, I have more respect for the technical work shown in District 9 than I do for that of Avatar. The director of Terminator and Titanic, working with millions upon millions of dollars in his budget, should turn out a visually stunning film. It's more impressive, in my opinion, to see a relative newcomer present such a fully realized fictionalized world. (I will say that when I was watching the BAFTAs, I felt like there was an air of relief in the acceptance speeches from Avatar's tech people. Like, maybe a few years back they had some days where Cameron was all, "Yes! Yes! I SEE YOU!" and they were secretly like, "Oh, Lord. What if this is the biggest flop of all time?") District 9 also gets props for featuring one of the year's most astonishing debut performances in Sharlto Copley.

5) An Education

An Education's coming-of-age narrative is not necessarily novel, but it is rescued from the jaws of cliche by a great screenplay and a uniformly excellent cast. High marks for execution, if you will. Carey Mulligan in this film is like Ellen Page in Juno to me; they are not necessarily the only actors who could have played their respective roles, but what they bring to the character is totally unique and deserving of recognition. If you've seen the film (or don't mind spoilers), I have to recommend Lynn Barber's piece on her experiences that are dramatized in An Education.

4) Avatar

I'd place this lower, but I can't argue with the technological accomplishments of this film, even if it is one of the cheesiest things I've seen in quite some time; it's really a very unique feeling to frequently roll one's eyes while wearing 3-D glasses. Gorgeous visuals, played-out storyline. I'd probably feel more strongly about this if the film had received an undeserved screenplay nomination; Giovanni Ribisi's dialogue in his various scenes may as well have been "Evil Plans, Evil Plans, Evil Plans!" The film's general lack of originality has been combed through elsewhere. My major criticism is this: the film has no postcolonial sensibility. The battle scenes clearly wear their inversion of the cowboys-and-indians paradigm, but I frequently found myself distracted wondering what kind of world the humans had left behind them. Watching the scene where the crazy military dude hypes up the crowd to go indigenous-population-hunting, my eyes focused on the brown faces in that crowd as I thought "Are you supposed to come from where I come from? What are your histories?" District 9 isn't a perfect film (pointless demonization of Nigerians, anyone?), but it is clearly rooted in South Africa's postcolonial history and the recent fallout from apartheid. Avatar shows no such thematic clarity. Additionally, while it's done an insanely good business in theaters I can't help but feel that it will suffer in the transition to home entertainment, and it's truly too soon to say how significant it will ultimately be in the annals of film.

3) The Hurt Locker

A very good film, and I'm glad that the awards season prompted me to seek it out as I'm generally not a big watcher of war movies. Its set pieces work together and flow in and out of each other like the well-calibrated moving parts of a machine and the trio of Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie and Brian Geraghty was the year's best small ensemble. While it's not my absolute favorite, I wouldn't be disappointed if The Hurt Locker won Best Picture.

2) Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

If this makes any sense, Precious was so good at telling its story that I don't know whether I could bear to watch it again. There were times when the force of the film was so visceral and powerful that it felt like the whole entire film could break through the fourth wall and I felt myself shrinking back into my seat. (I read something within the past few days where apparently Martin Scorsese was arguing that any film genre could translate to 3-D, citing Precious as an example. I thought to myself, "If Precious had been in 3-D, I would have ended up watching it peering up from under my seat.") "Harrowing" is the word that kept popping up in my mind, hours after I left the theater. Lee Daniels got great, lived-in performances from all his actors, de-glammed pop stars, comedians and unknowns alike. As much as the praise surrounding Mo'Nique's performance feels hyperbolic, it's also entirely deserved.

1) Inglourious Basterds

I can pinpoint the moment I fell totally in love with Inglourious Basterds - in the first segment in which the Basterds appear, when Raine introduces Hugo Stiglitz to the German they've captured. The retro font that blasts his name across the screen, the introductory riff from "Slaughter" - the "ex-German-solider as rock star/badass" intro is so quintessentially Tarantino and exemplifies the movie's mash-up of period and genre. (Side note: How many professional athletes do you think have now tried to make that their song for opening lineups?) I would never argue that Basterds is a perfect movie, but I think that what it lacks in focus it makes up for in great performances and sheer originality. Having done a lot of dense, oft-tedious "but what is history?" work in recent months, this film's audacious revisionism felt liberatory to me.