Marshmallow World

I've been so crazy busy recently that I feel like I need reminders to remember that Christmas is imminent. I do love this season, but it's kind of difficult to remember that when I feel frantically swamped with work. My own particular Christmas is a kind of secular, materialistic, pop-culture Christmas - the kind of Christmas that gets railed against in A Charlie Brown Christmas, even as Vince Guaraldi's dreamy score fits right under that pop culture-loving column. I thought I'd take some time to offer examples of some of my favorite holiday media.

My Favorite Holiday Movie: A Muppet Family Christmas

This is NOT repeat NOT The Muppets Christmas Carol, which takes the already creepy weirdness of A Christmas Carol and puts Muppets in on top of that. A Muppet Family Christmas is a TV movie from the late 80s, and it is glorious. Why, you ask? Well, the movie is chock-full of Muppets. Practically every Muppet ever created. Muppet Show Muppets, Sesame Street Muppets AND the Fraggles. Who could ask for anything more? Also, Jim Henson and co. avoided a key error by using pre-existing Christmas songs and not trying to make up any of their own. I don't know if I can convey the awesomeness of this movie in words. I mean, the Swedish Chef tries to cook Big Bird for Christmas dinner. Amazing.

This movie is so excellent, I decided that there should be two clips. In the first, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem rock out to Jingle Bell Rock, and it is excellent. There is also one of my favorite lines of dialogue: "She loves canine humor!" Every time I watch this movie, I want to quote it in everyday life. I'm pretty sure that no one would have any idea what I was talking about, though.



In the second, the Sesame Street Muppets arrive, and some more of my favorite lines of the movie occur. "Where we come from, this is small talk." And, my personal favorite, which pops into my head practically every time it precipitates, "Barometers are falling sharply...Oh no!"



A Close Second, and Not Necessarily Less Awesome: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

So not that long ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends who's Jewish about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and I referenced this special, forgetting as I always do that this holiday experience is not universal, and she was like, "Rudolph? Which one?" And I was like, "Which One?!?! THE one." This stop-motion special is so essential to the way that I experience Christmas now that I imagined it crossing cultural and religious lines and bringing joy to all regardless of color or creed because Rudolph is straight-up awesome, to the degree that sometimes when the songs come up on my iTunes shuffle in, like, June, I still listen to them. "A Holly Jolly Christmas"? "Silver and Gold"? Classic. It's almost like one of those things from the 60s like The Graduate where I watch and wonder what it must have felt like to watch it anew, when the songs were fresh and unheard and hadn't become part of the larger culture. I mean, in the 60s people probably kind of wrote it off as a TV special for kids, but it just feels significant to me.



That song's not even really seasonal, just really pretty and will make you feel better about yourself. How did Clarice end up being such a nice, decent reindeer when everybody else is so assy to Rudolph?

My Favorite Christmas Album: A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector

I was reading something earlier today about how people apparently like their Christmas songs classic and 40s style, and that they're bothered by stuff like Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." This is entirely the opposite of how I feel. The pop-y Christmas songs of the 50s and 60s are so bouncy and fun and fresh, and are epitomized by A Christmas Gift for You. Spector brought his Wall of Sound to the holiday season, and created a bunch of girl-group classics. It's so good that it got on the Rolling Stone 500 Best Albums list that was compiled a few years ago, and it's a Christmas album. Since I got the album a few years ago, "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" with Darlene Love has slowly crept up to become my favorite. Her voice is a knockout on practically everything she sings on the album. However, for a long time, before I even knew that a whole album of this stuff existed, one of my favorites was the Ronettes' version of "Sleigh Ride."



I mean, it's just so fun. Who can argue with that?

My Least Favorite Christmas Song, by a Vast Margin: "Christmas Eve in Washington"

Only people from the DC area know about this song, which gets insane amounts of airplay once radio stations switch over to the all-Christmas, all-the-time format in December. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I couldn't find a video or anything with the song. I don't know if I have adjectives sufficient to describe the epic awfulness of this song. The tune always reminds me of another overwrought song, "God Bless the U.S.A." The lyrics are extremely cheesy and basically list DC area landmarks like they were picked out of a travelogue. I'm pretty sure that with a different set of landmarks, you could construct a practically identical song about a completely different city. Suffice it to say that the chorus begins, "It's Christmas Eve in Washington, America's hometown/For it's here that freedom lives and peace can stand her ground." There must be some people who like it, because it gets played over and over again until it seems like it's invading my dreams. But I can't remember a time, even as a small child, when I ever enjoyed hearing it. I think that sales of the song go to charity, so I feel bad trashing it. Maybe if it wasn't played so frequently. I love going home for the holidays, but I am dreading hearing that song again.