My Fabulous Television Fantasy (or My Plan for Helping Heather Locklear Forget Her Divorce)

In contemplating my current and past favorites of television, I have come to the conclusion that what TV today really needs is to be old-school Spelling-ized. No more of this soft 7th Heaven business. The glory of the old days can be restored to the television community. I have two plans for how this could work:

1) Melrose Place reunion on Desperate Housewives: Admittedly, the more feasible of the two. Just imagine it. They wouldn't all have to play prominent roles, but ABC could promote the heck out of it as a sweeps event, and everyone would win. ABC/Disney already have their hooks into a fair number of the classic cast members - Marcia Cross and Doug Savant already on DH, Courtney Thorne-Smith on According to Jim, Rob Estes on The Evidence, Daphne Zuniga and Grant Show on Beautiful People. They've also had Laura Leighton, Lisa Rinna, and Josie Bisset on different shows over the past year. That's an impressive base. They'd just need to manuver Jack Wagner away from CBS, and, really, what are Heather Locklear, Andrew Shue, and Thomas Calabro doing now anyway? I haven't seen them around recently, except for the occasional divorce update for Heather. The show would positively drip with Spelling-style fabulosity.

2) Dynasty reunion/update: I love Dynasty to a sheerly absurd degree, and I was born well after the show had even started. I think I was in utero during the Moldavian massacre. It's amazingly eighties and 100 different kinds of fabulous. A little while back, maybe a few months ago, I was reading Soap Opera Digest and came across a "Where Are They Now?" article talking to Gordon Thompson, a.k.a. the deliciously evil Adam Carrington, who still looks pretty damn good and said that he was open to more work. This got the cogs turning in my head. The ages of the various children born over the course of Dynasty (Danny, Little Blake, Krystina, etc.) would place them now at late-teens/early-to-mid twenties, as young people who had grown up surrounded by family opulence and dysfunction. What I picture is Blake kicking it, and the rest of the family tussling over his inheiritance, bringing in characters young and old and generally upping the fabulosity quotient of television in general. My life would be greatly improved by more manipulation, lying and general trashiness embodied by characters like Fallon and Sammy Jo. Again, work for some great actors whose heyday is generally viewed as past.

I'm just saying, Aaron. I'd gladly trade 10 years of fluff for one of the truly fabulous past.

P.S. Somewhat on-topic: How unbelievably creepy is Shawn Pyfrom on DH? It was totally surreal to watch the SAG Awards where he accepted the Best TV Ensemble award all "Wow, look at all the actors..." and balance that in my mind with the utterly disturbing sociopathic behavior of Andrew Van De Kamp. Crazy.